So I have been thinking a lot lately about love and what it all means. I’ve argued with several people over it, and had enlightening conversations with several other people about it. I suppose my views have changed in the last year or so. I honestly used to believe that it was more then possible to happily be with someone forever. I believed that you could find your true love at a young age and stay together all throughout your lives. Now…I’m thinking that I am wrong.

See, humans are very complex beings. We have a lot of different personality traits, wants, and needs. We each think differently and feel differently about different things and situations. How can one person itch all of those complicated wants and needs, and be compatible with every one of our personality traits? They can’t, not really. Sure, you can find someone who accepts your personality traits – good or bad – and who does itch the wants and needs, but you still argue.

I believe that because we have so many emotions, and because we are so complex, we can fall in and out of love easily. We can be in love with someone who we were never meant to spend forever with, but we were still meant to be with them…even for a little bit…just to learn something and take it away from the relationship. That’s why we start dating young…to learn about relationships. We learn what we want and don’t want in a partner. We learn what we’re looking for. That doesn’t mean that the love you feel when you were dating the “wrong” person is wrong…it just means that it wasn’t meant to be.

The argument I had with a friend about love was about whether or not you could love the same person all through your teen years and adult years. Sure, it’s possible, but I believe the chances are small. He believes more in it happening (probably because he loves a girl and has for four years). I know that it would be insanely difficult because when you are young and not fully cognitively developed, changes can occur as you develop. You can grow apart. Take my parents, for example; they dated when they were 14 and 15 for two weeks. They broke up and got back together in their twenties. They know that had they stayed together throughout high school, they wouldn’t be together today.

Does anybody else remember me being head over something for Reaper for four years of my life? I spent every day pinning for him because I truly thought he was my soul mate and that he just didn’t know it yet. I also painted a prettier picture then what actually was; and I saw him in a different light then who he actually was because I wanted to see him in that light. Now that I am older and wiser, I know that we aren’t meant to be…but I still have a place for him in my heart because he was my first really big crush. And NSN will always be in my heart and soul because I truly do believe that he was my first love; a youthful innocent experience of love. It didn’t work out because he is still growing up, and we grew apart because we became very different people from the people we were at the beginning of our once carefree relationship. That doesn’t mean that I don’t love him and never had, it just means that something changed.

So this guy that I have fallen in crush with stands on the side of the line where he thinks that true love is indescribable and irreplaceable. You can not fall out of love with your true love. That may be, but I wouldn’t know…I haven’t found my true love. He thinks he has, and he most likely won’t budge on that matter. He’s believed this for 4 years now; what would change his mind now? Absolutely nothing. I personally think that in order to have found your true love, they have to return the feelings. How else can it be true? I sort of think that he’s painted a prettier picture then what actually is with her – just like I did with Reaper. Actually, maybe I am just hoping that is what’s happening.

But in any case, I really won’t wait around for this boy; as amazing as he is. My reasons for not spending every waking hour thinking about him and pinning to be with him are simple: he is blinded to me. He cannot see me for the person I actually am. He has told me that I am “sort of like everybody else” while the girl he loves is “very unique and different”. The reasons why he thinks I’m like everyone else are because I like to shop. I enjoy clothes and like to indulge myself, and because I do not dress gothic I am not unique to him like she is. Obviously, he is blinded by her and cannot see that I am really far from like everybody else.

I want to find someone who isn’t blinded by someone else; someone who sees that I am different and unique and amazing too. It’s what I believe I deserve. So I am not going to paint a prettier picture to make it all seem much more romantic then it actually is. I have learned that life isn’t a fairy tale; and I am certain he won’t one day open his eyes and see me. I can accept that, and I do accept that. It does suck that the first really good guy that I crush on is completely uninterested, but meh. That is life.

Hopefully, I have given everybody something to think about. I have certainly given myself something to think about! I know…I have warped views on love.


  1. <![CDATA[You know, I think you're right. I'm a bleeding heart, and when I find someone I'm really compatible with, I fall hard and fast.

    I haven't dated too many people, but the first girl I'll always have a soft spot for. The second, I was deeply in love with, but she'll never stick in my mind and heart like the first, even though we were engaged for a year.. I'm currently in a relationship, and I love her like I've loved the others, if not more.

    Human emotions are eternally mysterious. They've never made sense to me, and I'd posit that they never have made sense to anyone.

    I wrote about my first love a while back, and you can read it here if you’re at all interested.]]>

  2. Anonymous

    <![CDATA[Thursday’s Child; I’m very much a bleeding heart too, and because it’s so rare for me to find someone that I’m even slightly compatible with…I fall hard and fast as well. Of course I’m interested in reading about your first love!

    WildBill; hmm. Well I do go shopping, but I don’t think I own a whip.]]>

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