The Details

This morning, I woke up feeling heavy and groggy. All I wanted to do was pull the covers back up over my head and sleep for a few more hours. Obviously, when you have kids who are already awake, you can’t do that. By some miracle, I managed to drag my heavy, groggy ass out of bed and make it into the bathroom. As I went about my morning routine of teeth brushing, face washing, and hair/makeup, I started thinking about the day ahead of me…and going to the gym for that orientation after the girls’ get picked up. Suddenly, I started to feel panicky again. I started thinking about the little details – the drive, for one, is a panic-inducing aspect. It’s snowing – again – today, and finding parking at the hour of night I’m going is absolutely ridiculous. Trust me when I say I hate driving in the snow, and I hate searching all over for a damn parking space, and I hate parking. Then I started thinking about when I actually get into the gym, with Nolan. Panicked thoughts raced about my head a mile a minute.

Should I wear my workout clothes there, to elevate “change time”? I don’t even have proper workout clothes! I have black, crappy sweat pants that are literally flood pants and Matt’s t-shirts to pick from. I’m totally going to look like scrubby bum! Where am I even going to put my crap? I know they have lockers, but what if someone steals my keys, or phone, or something? Then what would I do!?

I actually had to grasp onto the bathroom sink to steady myself, as I was dizzy. I texted Matt with my locker dilemma and he said he leaves his stuff in the locker all the time without a lock. But I know he wears his shorts, and I know there are pockets in his shorts for the really important things like his wallet and his keys and his cell phone. I don’t have pockets in my crappy, flood pant sweats.

But, this is what I do. I freak out over tiny, insignificant details because at the time of {like, right now}, they really don’t feel insignificant. They feel like giant mountains that I can’t get past, even if you see them as ant hills, I am thinking: if someone steals my keys, how will Nolan and I get home? If someone steals my wallet, well then I’m super screwed because it holds all the important documents like my license and our health cards. If someone steals my phone then I’ll be screwed because I’ll have to either cancel my plan {which is expensive} or buy a new phone {which is expensive}. Both things are {expensive} not in our budget.

It’s bad enough that I’m already panicking about going because I have nobody to go with, but damnit self, can’t you give me us a break?!

Somehow, I need to overcome this. The only way I can think of overcoming it is by going tonight with no if’s and’s or but’s. My gym bag is already packed {although I don’t have a water bottle, I need to invest in one of those}, and I’ve at least solved the whole wallet-dilemma: I’m going to lock it in my glove box compartment in my car. Obviously, I can’t lock my keys in there and I really shouldn’t lock my cell phone because it would totally freeze, but at least I don’t have to worry about super important documents going missing from my wallet {because I really don’t have any money in there for anybody to steal. No credit cards, either!}

I was super pumped for Matt to download a bunch of new music so I could make a “workout playlist”, but he totally forgot and I can’t find my iPod anywhere 🙁 I don’t think I’ll need it tonight, thankfully, because it’s an orientation so I’m sure I’ll need to pay attention.

But, anyway. Yeah, I’m going tonight, but I’m totally freakin’ the hell out over everything and anything. This would be so much easier if I had a work out buddy!!!

THIS JUST IN: I texted my friend Sammi, who I know has a gym membership because she tried to get me on board a million years ago, and…she’ll be there tonight as moral support! I know she’s already been through all the orientations, but she’ll go with me to elevate some of the stress I feel over the whole “new social interaction” thing! This makes everything so much easier, although I’m probably going to text her a thousand questions {like what I should wear, for one. Maybe I’ll wear leggings and a long sweater? Or is that too “dressy” for the gym!? I’m just not looking forward to wearing flood pants.} Now I’m excited, because Sammi is awesome and I’m less nervous about going 😀

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  1. if you have “not too dressy” leggins, they should work out perfectly with a somewhat “big – long” t-shirt and your sweater on top…

    you could leave all the important documents and things at home (except for drivers licence, id and car documents)… and take all the extra keychains and stuff from your key, and put it together with your carkeys (though it may be uncomfortable to drive)…. then you put the keys at eye distance, as long as they’re not in the middle of a gym class, they shouldn’t bother…
    maybe take a small bag to put things into, and keep it close to you… you’ll figure it out

    i get gym anxious all of the time, and i even missed a class yesterday because it had rained and i didnt want to drive, but i know it’s silly, and so do you….
    you can do this jess!!


    1. I was going to take a “what I wore” picture but dude I was so rushed LOL! I wore my grey leggings, a black -tshirt with my blue tank under, and my sweater on top.

      I felt awkward though.
      Next time I’ll wear I longer shirt. 🙂

      Ugh, I hate being anxious!!!

      THANKS LOVE <3

  2. wondersndreams

    You can totally wear leggings, you could wear one of Matt’s t-shirts with it in the gym and a sweater outside.


  3. Hi! I used to be a personal trainer and worked at a gym for a long while. A few things:

    -like the comment above, just bring the necessities with you and you can keep them with you while you work out. I wouldn’t leave stuff unlocked in a locker. You just never know! I bought a little cheapy $3 lock that I use and just keep in my gym bag.
    -It’s totally acceptable to wear scrubby clothes!! If you have money to buy new ones, go for it. If you dont, don’t worry about it. Seriously.
    -I always loved seeing overweight people, obvious first timers, etc at the gym. They are there DOING something for themselves. Anyone who judges them is missing the entire point. And suck at life. And forget that they were a rookie at some point, too.
    -Once you learn how to use them, the bike or eliptical will probably feel better for you, because they are much lower impact than a treadmill.
    -it’s going to be hard at first. There is no getting around that. But if you stick around, it’ll get easier/better quickly.
    -Good luck and kick ass 🙂


    1. I liked the bike and eliptical best, plus they had this other thing – it gave you a great cardio work out but you used your arms. It was pretty rad. Forget what it was called though! I will be avoiding the stair master though…

      Thank you love!


  4. Having a gym buddy is really great for two reasons IMO. 1. you feel less self conscious. 2. you have someone to motivate you to go, even on the days you just don’t feel like it!

    I got gym gear when I started going. Just some well fitting stretchy pants (baggy pants annoy me when I work out) and I wear Ryan’s old t-shirts. I also got a good pair of work out shoes, they’re essential. I wear my gym clothes to the gym and I bring a gym bag with a change of clothes for after I shower.

    I work out at a gym on a military airbase so having my things stolen from a locker is far from my mind. If you’re really concerned, just get a combination lock or something.

    And remember, no pain no gain! :):):)


    1. So need to get a gym buddy, stat. Sammi didn’t end up showing up…I guess her class ran later than usual.

      I need stretchy pants that fit good, and I’m good for t-shirts! I do need a sports bra though.

      The locker situation was solved by Matt – he bought me a key lock 🙂


  5. good luck tonight!!! That’s great your friend is going more motivation and someone who will help you feel more comfortable. Last year when I went to the gym and the orientations I just kept my stuff with me in tote bag. I never used the locker ever. I’d put it right next to me so I can see my shit. I’m paranoid apparently. Oh, and I used to wear my clothes there and put on snow boots and then change into my sneakers once I got inside. Hope you have fun you’re gonna be an EVEN HOTTER mama!!!


    1. At this gym you can’t bring bags to the machines. You can have like your cell and your keys etc in the cup holder, but that’s it. Matt bought me a key lock so I hide the key in my bra haha.

      And thanks Kim! Can’t wait to be an even hotter mama 😉


  6. I bought a lock for my locker, and bring everything in a $1 Toy Story bag. I only take my water bottle and key — for my lock, on a wristband — onto the floor with me. No one cares about what you’re wearing; everyone wears sweats and stuff. In the summer, I wear shorts and a tank top. In the winter, I wear cutoff leggings (they were old and have a hole in them). I’ve seen some people wear ridiculous things; you want to make sure you’re comfy, so your sweats will work just fine.

    You’ll be fine! Once you go and get started, you’ll see. It’s a really relaxing place, because no one is judging; they’re all too busy working on their own bodies. I’ve asked people really stupid questions — like how to get the bike started — and no one made fun of me.

    You’ll be fine! I know you can do it!


    1. YOU ROCK.
      I have a gym bag, and it’s not jammed packed but it does the job 🙂 I should totally get a wrist band for the key lock, beats shoving it in my bra!!!

      Thanks Elizabeth! <3


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