I’ve been saying this forever now, but I really need to go clothes shopping. I haven’t updated my wardrobe since before I got pregnant with Nolan. Yes, I’ve bought one or two new shirts or pairs of pants here or there, but a serious wardrobe update is in need. I’ve been wearing the same “outfits” since my high school days. My “collection” of clothes is old and very outdated.
Today I’ve started the long process of going through my closet and dresser, and getting rid of everything. I’m keeping things that fit and work for the time being, because obviously I can’t get rid of all my old clothes without any new ones to replace them…but this step feels good. I haven’t even bought all new underwear in three years!
I’ve timidly asked Matt if we could spend some money on a new wardrobe for me. He has, of course, absolutely no problem with this. It’s me who has the problem, it’s me who struggles with spending any kind of money on myself. The kids could use it, bills could use it, the car could use it…there’s always a billion other places to spend it. But I need this, it’s getting really bad. My confidence, my want to leave the house…it’s all being affected majorly.
When I go out in public, I feel frumpy and uninspiring. I’m often overheated or just uncomfortable because my clothes don’t fit right or are the wrong season. But buying new clothes honestly causes so much anxiety with me, it’s actually rather pathetic. Who gets anxious over buying new clothes? I do. Now, anyway. Perhaps it wasn’t always this way, but it is now.
Take yesterday for example. I wasn’t even buying new clothes, I was simply browsing. Checking the styles, the prices, and oh my goodness. I became overwhelmed and anxious after just 10 minutes. We were in Bluenotes, and all of the shorts were way too short for my liking. Or too tight.
I don’t want my clothes to reflect “uptight mom” or anything, but I’ve also never been comfortable with wearing shorts that barely cover my ass cheeks. I’ve never been that girl. I’ll never be that girl. But, even the “long” shorts aren’t all that long to me. Any leg exposure makes me uncomfortable, because I having my legs stared at. I guess I’m just going to have to get over it though, because shorts are short for a reason, right? In high school, I was able to hide behind jeans and layers. Now that I’m a mom, I overheat so easily chasing after Nolan and hauling baby/kid gear around…hiding behind jeans just can’t happen. I’ve got to get over this fear of people noticing my scars and bumps. I’m nearly 23 years old, and the last thing I want is for Nolan to feel like hiding.
So, over the course of the next few months I will be buying new clothes for me. Shorts, dresses, swim suits, underwear, bras – you name it. I need it all. It’s going to be really hard to part with my money over something that my mind still tells me is “unnecessary” (even if it’s totally necessary). I need to start investing money in myself again. I need to fall in love with clothes again. I need to be comfortable this summer, unlike every summer before where I hide inside or under layers sweating like crazy because I just couldn’t get over myself. My goal this summer is to do just that; get over myself.
What goals are you trying to reach this summer?
P.S. Everything is better with a mustache…