Purposeful

It’s really no secret at all that the last several months I’ve been in a major depressive rut. I’ve just not felt…purposeful. Or needed. You know, cause Matt was around to do stuff too…and my “job” wasn’t really mine. You know? I know that sounds really foolish, and I bet all the moms who do it solo 24 hours a day 5 days {or 7} a week want to junk punch me for it…but seriously.

It’s not like Matt’s time off was a vacation where in we could enjoy each others company, because it wasn’t a vacation. It was a super difficult time…emotionally and financially. Financially because things were tight, and emotionally because he felt like crap because he wasn’t working and I felt like crap because he felt like crap and I felt sorta resentful about it {I know, bad wife…BAD WIFE}, then there was the stress of financial issues and all and all it really wasn’t an enjoyable time. I mean…there was plenty of enjoyable moments, all those times we were able to forget about our money woes and all the shitty stuff and just embrace family time – but it was hard because we could never truly forget about the money woes, and all the stresses. When we drove to the beach we fretted about “wasting gas”, so on and so forth.

I’ve been in an incredible mood the last 2 days, like…incredible. I’m feeling more like myself. I’m feeling purposeful again, and that feels great. Sure, it gets difficult trying to manage the stubborn, willful toddler and the clingy baby {that is still clingy even when it’s SUPER HOT OUT and I’m sweating my hypothetical socks off}, and some moments I think “OMG MATT NEEDS TO GET HOME SOON BECAUSE THESE KIDS ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!” but instead of texting him like I would before, demanding that he come home and deal with his difficult demon spawn, I deal…because he’s at work, not at a friends’ house, and he can’t come home and pick up the slack just because I don’t wanna. And then I feel a thousand times better about myself, and everything else too.

Do you know what I did yesterday? Several loads of laundry. And today? I’ve scrubbed down the entire kitchen and dinning room, including steam mopping the floors and washing the garbage pail. All while managing to somehow meet both the kids needs and keep from yelling my face off. Today I’m in better, happier spirits, less prone to yelling like I was my first day alone at this and I’m accomplishing more. It’s just one of those really awesome days where I’m sitting here, patting myself on the back and taking a wee break to blog about how AWESOME I feel today instead of complaining about how I don’t feel awesome at all.

And that? Is awesome. Even if I don’t get anything else done today, I feel incredible knowing that I just did several things I’ve been putting off for the last several months, yes…you read that right. SEVERAL months. My kitchen hasn’t had a full scrub down since, um…we moved in. I mean walls, cupboards, floor boards, EVERYTHING. The only thing I haven’t done is pull out the stove to clean behind and under it, and only because I can’t get the damn thing to move on my own.

On top of ALL that stuff, I even showered and did my hair/makeup. I usually put off showering until Matt is home to sit with the kids, and I rarely ever do my makeup anymore. Needless to say, I feel pretty spectacular and less sweaty than I did when I woke up this morning 😉

Matt’s new job is hard work, he’s outside grinding and painting parts. He came home utterly exhausted last night, like he went to bed at 7pm and stayed there until this morning when he woke up at 7:50. He wasn’t too happy to be grinding and painting {it’s long, tedious boring work apparently}, but he’s excited because today he gets to weld. He’s also excited because he’s going to get back in shape and lose some weight working here, just like he did when he worked at the old shop. The only bummer part is the job doesn’t pay very much at all, barely above minimum wage, but it will do. He’s still pursing the out west job opportunity, so please keep your fingers crossed that he gets the job there sometime in the next 3 months because we’d love to be working off our debt and getting some money saved up. For now though, I’m just thankful he has a job and I’m thankful that I’m back to somewhat normal 🙂 …at least today, anyway!

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  1. Glad to hear your spirits are uplifted. Since you're feeling so motivated, would you like to come do a deep clean of my kitchen? Wishful thinking…

    Fingers crossed for the job out west.

    Reply

  2. Haha I've gotta say Danielle, when I visit you it won't be to clean your house, but hang out!! haha 😛

    It's not like I ENJOY deep cleaning, just that miraculously it was able to happen lmao. Who knows if the childrens will allow me the luxury of cleaning upstairs today? It all depends on them 😉

    Reply

  3. Yay for feeling like yourself again! I need to find myself… I dunno where I disappeared to, but I don't like it.

    Glad Matt has a job again, even if it's not what he wants. Keeping my fingers crossed that he gets the other one.

    I LOVE your new banner! It's adorable! ♥

    Reply

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