Today is day three of weaning. Archer has been 95% fine with the change from breast to bottle. Of course, during sleep times it was a little difficult at first, as I nursed him to sleep every time he was tired for the last 10 months. Falling asleep without The Boob was a challenge, but he’s overcome it. Now I rock him and hum a song to him, and he falls asleep with the same content baby smile he wore whenever I nursed him to sleep, only my nipples don’t get bitten and I get plenty of baby hugs.
My boobs are still producing a lot of breastmilk. They are massive and swollen right now. So far, I’ve been treating myself with cold compresses and cabbages. It help a little. My left breast is more sore, and I can’t pump because that breast won’t actually pump off anything. When it gets super unbearable, I just hop in the shower. I’m also taking some Tylenol.
Just as I suspected, weaning hasn’t solved Archer’s sleep issues. He still wakes up the same amount, only instead of nursing to sleep I rock and hum or sing to him. He also just wants to sleep on my chest, which is kind of painful (okay, agonizing) given the massively swollen boobs, but I’m happy (um, ish) to do it because I know he’s still adjusting at night time. I don’t want to feel like no boob = no cuddles from mommy when he needs them.
I’m suffering from waves of guilt from catching articles that contain the subject matter of breastfeeding and how it’s best to do it past 12 months. I feel guilty because I am stopping, I have stopped. I just…can’t…anymore. I feel guilty for that. And sad, very sad. Archer is my last baby, there will be no more. This was my last breastfeeding experience…but with that being said, I’m happy with it. I truly am. Archer and I had a remarkable breastfeeding journey and I’m so thankful for that. I’m thankful I did it for the past 10 months. Sure, I’ll miss it, but I won’t miss the leaky boobs and the chomping down on my nipple that happened so frequently towards the end.
There’s no turning back now, Archer isn’t interested any more (even at night!) and I wouldn’t turn back anyway. I just want my milk to dry up because this pain sucks. It hurts to hold Archer close to my chest like I always do. It hurts to have nightly pillow fights with Nolan (yeah, we have pillow fights – and he always kicks my ass).
But, it’s day 3. So. Ya.