To be honest…I’ve been in a lot of pain the last few weeks. I don’t know what I did to my shoulder, but I really mangled it and the pain quite literally takes my breath anyway – and not in a good way. It’s been so bad that I’ve even gone to my [new] doctor to push for a referral to my specialist in TO and get some x-rays lined up. She wrote me a prescription for T3s and for the last few days I’ve been trying to control the pain with that. T3s do help ease the pain enough to keep me from bawling my eyes out and it actually lets me move my arm…but it comes at a price: I feel massively ill when I take them.
You know those cheap carnival rides that spin around and around really quick? The ones that leave you disoriented and dizzy and just not feeling right? That’s what codeine does to me. It makes me feel dizzy, disoriented and very nauseous. It helps with one evil and brings another to the table. I can’t seem to get ahead of the pain, to control it, without making myself sick and unable to do things anyway.
I’m going to see about something else…something that isn’t codeine based. I can’t get by on just Tylenol for this, and who knows how long the referral to my specialist will take. I am going to get x-rays and an ultrasound today, but again…that’s not going to solve any issues I have with pain.
Who am I kidding, I always have issues with pain. If it’s not one thing it’s another and controlling it is so difficult to do. Which reminds me, if you’ve never read Christine Miserandino’s Spoon Theory, I encourage you to do so. For years I’ve tried to find the words to describe what it’s like to have MHE, a chronic pain disorder. This sums it up perfectly.
And the other day, I posted a photo of my kitchen on Instagram with a little blurb on how I needed to clean it immediately following dinner. I can’t let stuff get out of hand or I shut down. I’m obsessive about this. Amber shared some wonderful insight.
It’s crazy how much other people with chronic pain disorders just get it. I never really drew the correlation of needing to keep things tidy and in order to that of having my MHE. I just don’t pay close attention, I try to block it out as much as possible because I don’t like dwelling on it. I do know that any time the mess in my house gets to be too much, I shut right down and require A LOT of help from M to get things back in order. So, that makes sense.
I’m impatient, and I’m tired of being in this much pain constantly. The kind of pain that even I can’t block out or ignore is kind of frightening. Hopefully the referral process doesn’t take long, and hopefully my doctor can help me find a temporary fix for all this pain that doesn’t leave me sick.