Quick to Medicate

Yesterday, I saw my doctor about the closet battling of things I can’t label. I tried to be as open and honest as I could be, but I still held back. I still kept things to myself. It’s funny, I’ve been told that bloggers have no filters, when really, I do. We talked about most things, and I told her my hesitation on calling these things depression and anxiety but admitted that I have been trying so long to will myself out of this that I just can’t do it solo anymore. She has referred me to a counsellor but in the mean time prescribed me some medication to take, to see if it helps. She prescribed 1oMG of Cipralex for me to take daily. I’m hesitant, again.

I’ve always said that Western medicine is too quick to prescribe drugs to fix things that could be easily fixed in other ways. I’m not saying that all cases can be fixed without drugs, I’m just saying that they are quick to push them. You walk in, you say “I don’t feel right” and then you’re prescribed a drug to make you feel right. What does feeling right even mean? Who decides what are normal and healthy emotions to have? Who decides what coping mechanisms are wrong? Sure, I’ll admit it; I do not handle stress well. I do not cope with my anxiety well. But does that mean I need to take a drug? A drug that could change my entire personality, my entire way of thinking?

I’ve heard the horror stories before. I’ve heard about people feeling so numb that they could watch a child get hit by a car and feel no empathy, all because of a drug they were prescribed to make things better. I don’t want to loose the good parts of who I am in an attempt to fix the not-so good parts. I’m scared.

M doesn’t know if I even need it. He thinks everything to do with my depression and anxiety is situational, but the problem is…our situation probably isn’t going to change any time soon. At least not drastically  enough to stop having anxiety attacks and stop worrying about every little minuscule thing. I work myself into such a tizzy over it all, and I can’t stop. I keep worrying, worrying, worrying some more. Taking on more and more until I just can’t cope anymore.

I’m not asking for advice, for you guys to tell me to take it or not to take, that’s a decision that only can make. M can’t even help me with it. I’m sitting on it for a few more days. I’m watching myself closely. I’m monitoring my thoughts.

I’m hesitant, but I think that’s good.

When the counsellor calls me with an appointment, I’ll jump all over it because I can admit that I do need some help with this. I’m just not sure it’s the kind of help that is prescribed from a bottle.

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  1. S

    I went through/am going through a lot of the same stuff with anxiety/depression and I’m currently taking Cipralex to deal with it. Feel free to email me if you want to talk about it at all.

    Reply
  2. mscat

    I totally get what you’re saying about taking drugs to fix problems, I do. It seems it would be time well spent to try talk therapy first, to talk through the issues that are causing the anxiety/depression and see if you can develop better coping mechanisms for dealing with the stress. At the same time, I sometimes wonder to myself, what’s the difference if you take a mood stabilizing drug vs smoking cigs vs drinking alcohol vs smoking pot or any other benign controlled substance in an effort to deal with stress? Not that you do any of those other things either, but for some reason they are more acceptable to most people. Is Cipralex something you could try for a week and then stop taking or is it one of those things that has to build up in your system?

    Reply

    1. It’s one of those things that takes 6 weeks to really feel a difference. :/ but apparently it has no addictive (well, less I guess) side effects so I could go off it easier than say Effixer (or however you spell it).

      And you’re right…

      Reply
  3. Shannon

    Dude. I think what your going through is called life. I went/have/am going through it too. Ever since I had the kids I have had my own little anxiety attacks……typically when I have to go out (see saturday night) It was a lot worse after I had Xman and I did actually go to the doctor to speak about this but ultimately came to the conclusion that I would work through it on my own and I did. I’m not saying I am completely through it (see saturday night) but I think in some way you have to develop a F%&K it attitude. Basically, if worrying about something isn’t going to change it then F*&K it! Make the best of it and try your hardest but don’t beat yourself down about things. It truly is mind over matter and it is a constant battle to get up everyday and say……You know what?……….I’m okay! You are okay! If you weren’t worrying, stressing, losing it at times then that is when I would say there is a BIG problem. Hang in there!!
    PS I also found that drinking excessive amounts of alcohol and dancing helps out a lot too………….until the next morning.

    Reply

    1. LMAO. Oh Shannon. Wise you are, besides for the fact that alcohol costs money (which I have little to no of). But, you’re right. I need to develop an eff it attitude.

      And drink more. (?)
      And dance more.

      Reply

  4. Wish I had advice but I have the same problem… I’ve been trying to decide whether I want to go back on meds and when for a while now. It’s just such a hard decision on so many levels. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!!

    Reply

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