This Funk

I’m horrible with winter, but my funks usually don’t start until after Christmas…in early to mid January. This year, my winter funk has come extra early and I’ve got barely -any Christmas spirit in me, because this winter funk is taking up so much space.

It takes me even longer than usual to get dressed and ready. I’m still playing with the kids, still doing the mom thing of taking care of them and making sure they have enough to eat…but fun activities outside the house and play dates have, yet again, fallen to the wayside.

It’s 12pm and I’m still in my pjs, still haven’t brushed my hair or gotten ready for the day. The most I’ve done is mopped the floors and washed the dishes. I just want to curl up under a warm blanket and sleep, but I can’t and I’m mad at myself for wanting that.

We don’t even have any snow yet, and while it is cold it’s not as cold as it gets. So I really don’t know what my deal is, but I’m exhausted and every task is taking a huge effort for me.

I suppose the best way to describe it is that, for whatever reason, I’ve lost more of my “spoons” and therefore I’m almost in a hibernation state.

I thought by now I would be 100% in the Christmas spirit and ready for the big day and all that…but I’m not. M did the Christmas shopping this year, I bought a few things but he’s done most of it. All the presents are in the basement waiting for me to wrap them. I just don’t wanna. I know I will, I’ll end up wrapping them…but my zeal for the holidays, my zest that I’m usually so full of…just isn’t here.

I feel terrible confessing that, like there’s something wrong with me. But there it is. I’m sure money, stress and pain have a lot to do with it. But still.

I know I’ll end up having a great time with my family and friends, there’s absolutely no doubt about that. But…I miss my Christmas spirit. Even if I get it today or tomorrow, it feels a little late.

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  1. tierney

    I’m sorry you’re deflated. I love the spoon theory, so being one that knows where you’re coming from, I hope that you get your spoons back soon. You’ve posted some fun Christmas art activities you’ve done with the boys so don’t be so hard on yourself! Tonight, turn on some Christmas music or watch a Christmas movie on tv (Elf, A Christmas Story and Home Alone are all on tonight!), wrap your presents and drink a warm drink ..maybe it’ll get you back into the Christmas spirit!

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  2. Verlene

    Hi Jess, it’s Verlene. I am also a chronic illness gal. I recently started visiting a therapist and her advice that hit home with me was that we need to be kind to ourselves when the spoons are running low. No one else knows I am also running low as I just get tired complaining even to my husband. It gets so terribly old, the illness thing. So all I can offer you is that I understand. I’ve been reading your blog since before N was born and there are so many days that you have made me smile, made up for my lack of close friends since I have been forced to quit work (where most of my friends were). I guess my point is to be kind to yourself today. You are such a compassionate person, give yourself that same gift this holiday.

    Reply

    1. This comment really made me smile :’)

      You’re right, of course…about it all. <3 thanks for brightening my day!

      Reply

  3. It’s so nice to hear other people admit that they just aren’t feeling all that christmassy, I have kind of felt like a bit of freak for the last few years for not feeling it. It’s so hard to try and explain to other people how hard it can be. I have always looked at it from the point of view that if I really want to do something, I will find the energy from somewhere even if my tank is running on empty it’s the desire to do it that drives me. If I don’t want to do it, I can’t find the energy anywhere to get it done and I eventually make myself do it and then I resent having to use up the small amount of energy that I have on something I don’t enjoy. I would rather spend that doing stuff with the kids. It sucks, just wanted to let you know you are not alone and offer some ((hugs))

    Reply

    1. Thank you Crystal! I too am glad to hear the Christmas lack of cheer isn’t uncommon. Xoxoxo

      Reply

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