I’m horrible with winter, but my funks usually don’t start until after Christmas…in early to mid January. This year, my winter funk has come extra early and I’ve got barely -any Christmas spirit in me, because this winter funk is taking up so much space.
It takes me even longer than usual to get dressed and ready. I’m still playing with the kids, still doing the mom thing of taking care of them and making sure they have enough to eat…but fun activities outside the house and play dates have, yet again, fallen to the wayside.
It’s 12pm and I’m still in my pjs, still haven’t brushed my hair or gotten ready for the day. The most I’ve done is mopped the floors and washed the dishes. I just want to curl up under a warm blanket and sleep, but I can’t and I’m mad at myself for wanting that.
We don’t even have any snow yet, and while it is cold it’s not as cold as it gets. So I really don’t know what my deal is, but I’m exhausted and every task is taking a huge effort for me.
I suppose the best way to describe it is that, for whatever reason, I’ve lost more of my “spoons” and therefore I’m almost in a hibernation state.
I thought by now I would be 100% in the Christmas spirit and ready for the big day and all that…but I’m not. M did the Christmas shopping this year, I bought a few things but he’s done most of it. All the presents are in the basement waiting for me to wrap them. I just don’t wanna. I know I will, I’ll end up wrapping them…but my zeal for the holidays, my zest that I’m usually so full of…just isn’t here.
I feel terrible confessing that, like there’s something wrong with me. But there it is. I’m sure money, stress and pain have a lot to do with it. But still.
I know I’ll end up having a great time with my family and friends, there’s absolutely no doubt about that. But…I miss my Christmas spirit. Even if I get it today or tomorrow, it feels a little late.