Thought of the Day: Be Team Your Man

I know way too many people that judge relentlessly. I used to be one of them. I used to judge people I didn’t know (mostly parents – har har). Sure, I was nicer than most about it and mainly kept my opinions to myself…but judging is still judging. And then all of the sudden, the tables were turned and people were judging me and those I care about and I realized that judgment wasn’t a nice thing at all. Duh!

Now, I don’t judge. I especially don’t judge the spouses of my friends. We all make mistakes, sometimes we all need to bitch about petty things, like our guy forgetting to take the recycling out or not hanging that shelf or whatever. I get in those moods of negativity where all I do is focus on the negative. This hasn’t happened, that isn’t done, so on and so forth.

And I don’t often talk about the minuscule things that my guy does or doesn’t do to piss me off because when you’re in a negative mood, you kind of, indirectly make it sound like whatever minuscule thing he did to piss you off isn’t minuscule at all. I have friends that are guilty of doing this, and I know it’s because of that mood they’re in. That negative, judgmental mood. We all need to vent and that’s fine, but if you find me asking you; what about the good?, don’t take it as I don’t wanna listen to you vent. Take it as I’m trying to help you past the negative mood and into the “ya, that pissed me off but hey, it’s kinda minuscule in the grand scheme of things” mind frame.

Fact of the matter is that it’s very much likely that there is a whole army of people judging you and your dude out there. For whatever reason, its almost the norm for humans to like to watch others fail. {For the record I’m not one of those. I dislike watching anybody — even celebs that I don’t “like” — fail}. So, you’ve gotta stick together and make it harder for that army to lap up any “negativity” in your relationship.

I’ve noticed something about our generation: instead of lifting each other up, we relish in being the “better” one. The “better” spouse, the “better” couple, the “better” friend…and it’s almost sickening, the pedestals people set themselves up high on. And the fall from that pedestal is hard. It’s ok to want to make yourself and your life better, but to hold that over other people just isn’t cool. You can learn lessons from other people’s mistakes, but it isn’t fair to hold those mistakes over the people you care about to relish your points.

You’re with your man for a reason, and remember that reason. Be Team Your Man 24/7, even when you’re both not getting along. Living together is difficult but by being up in arms with every wrong thing done, it just makes it even more difficult. And this goes both ways because I know a lot of guys who also do it.

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So, ya. That’s my thought of the day. Be Team Your Man. Acknowledge what makes you angry, but know that it’s {probably} minuscule. By focusing so much energy on the negative you turn something minuscule into something major, and you don’t wanna do that. Not with the troops rallying for failure 😉

4 Comments


  1. I loved this post, for so many reasons.

    I’m kinda guilty of being McJudgy. I realized it recently and have been working on improving it. After all, I can’t get pissed off when others judge me or my bearded man if I’m judging, too. I’ve noticed a big change in myself recently, and it’s definitely for the better.

    I think we definitely live in a judgmental society. For me, I think I’d been looked down upon so much that slowly but surely, I found myself asking similar questions; “What’s wrong with me?” turned into “What’s wrong with them?” This isn’t really an excuse, but it at least explains others’ behavior. I’ve found that most people who are so highly opinionated are, in fact, actually insecure. With that realization, I was able to reflect on myself.

    I love the idea of keeping little rants to yourself. Most of the time, I’ve forgotten and forgiven within a couple of hours. If I, for example, posted all over Facebook about how annoyed I am with Mike, it would just create a bad impression of not only him, but also me.

    Well said, Jess. You’re a smart cookie.

    Reply

    1. It’s true. It’s ok to vent to trusting people, but when you vent all over social media platforms you give people approval to judge and say what they want. I also wouldn’t feel very good if M started venting to twitter or Facebook about all the shitty stuff I do lol. It’s exactly why I don’t do it to him ya know? Nobody’s perfect but nobody deserves to have those imperfections publicly noted constantly.

      Reply

  2. Too true… especially the comment about the social media!! I can’t imagine if Jeff started posting on FB or Twitter every time I did something that wasn’t perfect… I know I struggle with not getting drawn into the negative man-bashing mode when it’s going on around me. I do ok on my own, but when it’s the topic, I sometimes have to zip my mouth shut to not throw my 2 cents in, just to be a part of the conversation. Instead, (just realizing it now) I usually sit there quietly and JUDGE. Oops. Because, ya know, since I’m not bitching about my man, I’m better than them. I know all too well what it’s like to be judged for so many different reasons, so I’m SUPER aware of doing my best not to do it to others… yet I guess we’re all guilty of it at times, and that’s one of them for me. Jeff doesn’t give me much to complain about, really, in the big picture – so for me to bitch about the small things seems unfair, like you said. I’ve also learned to be careful about venting to certain friends and family, because they’ll remember the discretion and hold it against him long after you’ve forgiven, because they don’t love him like you do.

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