I’ve been “tumbling” a lot lately (a term that I think is used for when one has a tumblr and one uses that tumblr quite a bit). I’ve “met” some pretty chill people, and I’ve also “met” a lot of drama filled people.
Tumblr is a great place to go if you want to have an all out war about parenting choices with a least one individual, most often more than one. It’s frustrating and amusing (and makes me very thankful for the plenty of online friends I have that don’t associate with The Dramas).
I don’t like drama, at least not drama that involves me and my family/believes/whatever, but I still can’t help but read along and shake my head in dismay.
One discussion, started up by one of the chill people I enjoy talking to, basically said that he didn’t buy it when mumblrs (mom tumblr users) say all they’ve ever wanted/all they ever will want is to be a mom. He wrote that he believes everyone has ambitions and goals aside from parenting and a lot of people got all uppity about it, saying things like “being a mom/wife is all I’ve ever wanted and all I ever want! I have no desires or ambitions to be anything else or in addition to!”
I was kind of shocked. I mean, I love being a mom. It’s frustrating, it’s rewarding, it’s amazing. There aren’t enough descriptive words that I can pull up right about now. Yes, being the best mom and wife I can be is a goal of mine, but it’s one of many goals of mine. In order for me to be the best mom and wife, I have I achieve little things for myself as well.
Losing yourself entirely to the role of “wife” or “mom” is dangerous. I’ve seen it happen before, and I don’t want to end up like that. I want to have ambitions and goals in addition to all the parenting ambitions and goals I have.
Like, for example…I can’t see myself staying home, puttering around and just waiting all day long for the kids to get home from school. I just…I think I’d go crazy or something. The house would be so…empty. My goal when Aj starts school is to also start taking college classes, either online or full time. I want to start working towards a career. While it’d be nice to dive in to a full time career, it all depends on our financial situation and if N has upcoming surgeries (or if I do). That’s why I’ve made the smaller, more achievable goal of starting online classes by the time Aj is in school.
By the time Aj is in grade 1 or 2, I want to have a career. Maybe 4 days a week working in an office or something, earning some money while both the kids are in school. I still want my weekends with them, and my holidays. Which makes it a little more complicated, I think. Realistically, I probably wouldn’t be able to take summers off or every holiday, which does bother me because I do want to be around when they’re home.
But the important thing to me is having an education and the ability to work. The option. I also have writing goals…I want to write a novel and have it published.
I’m aware that situations change in a heartbeat. I’m also open to the great possibility that I’ll be babysitting my niece full time, which would again postpone my schooling in a way but again would be great for everyone involved. But despite that? I still know that one day I will have a career doing something, even if its part time when the kids are in school.
I also have miniature goals, like getting out of the house on my own for “me time”, and out on dates with the husband. Little things to rejuvenate my patience and bring back pieces of me. It’s okay to take time for yourself, it’s okay to not dedicate every waking minute to your kids. You can make yourself a tea, and drink it alone in the kitchen while the kids entertain themselves.
I don’t know why some people think that’s so wrong, taking “me time”, wanting to focus a bit on yourself and your marriage. For me, it’s effortless to put all my time and attention towards my kids. It’s effortless to love them, that love comes easy and it’s unconditional. Self love and marriage are different though. It’s not so easy to love myself unconditionally or remember that I’m a human being too (damn that mom guilt). It’s also easy to forget about my husbands needs when I’m so focused on the kids. To me, marriage takes more effort than parenting because its an effort to remain allies in this demanding parenting and life gig. Love comes easy, cooperating…not so much. Mainly because of my “my way or the highway” mind frame (yes I know, I’m working on it).
So, ya. I have a billion miniature goals and ambitions in addition to my parenting goals and ambitions. My greatest achievement will be raising two awesome little boys, and helping them become amazing men. But I
hope will also achieve some of my own personal goals in the process.