Today has been a very difficult day for me. Thank goodness M’s been home. I don’t know what I would have done without him.
For the last four days, I’ve had lower back pain. I’ve grimaced my way through it, avoiding tasks like picking up toys off the ground, etc. I was kind of ok. I probably should have tried to be rid of the back pain sooner but each night I went to bed fairly early and thought that would cure my pains.
Today, I woke up feeling much worse. Since M was up with Aj in the night, I sent him back to bed after he helped me get settled with Aj in the living room. I was doing fairly well, I cleaned the kitchen and living room, made the kids breakfast once N woke up, but then around 11am when I was giving Aj his bottle, I just couldn’t deal anymore. I called M in tears. He came down, made a coffee and went out for a quick smoke. In that time I tried to clean off Bane’s muddy paws and further tweaked my back. When he came inside, I was pretty much in tears.
I tried a super hot bath with “relief and relax” bath salts, I stayed in it for 20 minutes and it sorta felt ok. Then I got out and the back pain was back. I tried to lay still for a bit, but again…nothing. I finally took some muscle relaxers and Tylenol (which I didn’t do sooner because I didn’t have muscle relaxers and Tylenol doesn’t really help me with pain). I’m feeling betterish, but by no means my “usual” [semi-functional] self.
I think one of the most frustrating things about chronic pain is that it’s always something. With this damp weather, I expected my legs, hips, hands, shoulders etc to ache (and they do, just not as bad as my back) but I didn’t account for my back. I guess I really did overdo it last week when I took the boys to the park. Pulling that wagon up the hill on the angle I was probably contributed a lot to today’s back pains.
It just sucks, because I feel betrayed by my body. Betrayed by the fact that the seemingly simple things I want to do have such repercussions. M says I can still take the kids to the park, I just have to drive there, save my energy for the actual playing aspect of going to the park.
I feel guilty because all of my duties fall on my husbands shoulders and the boys have “boring” days because Mommy’s in pain. Colouring and playing with toys and watching movies isn’t so fun the fourth day in a row (but in my defence, the weathers been crappy for a week anyway).
So ya, that’s where I’m at/what I’m feeling right now.
Trust me when I say we NEED summer. This crappy, wet and damp and cold weather doesn’t help me in the pain department.