I saw this on a blog I read quite regularly, Two Little Jackson’s. Jess is an amazing mama kicking ass at single parenting, and her words are always so chillingly beautiful. She’s the reason why I decided to stop hiding my truth. She writes so honestly about hers, all the time, no matter how messy it may be. By doing so, she helps people, people who read her stories and are going through the same things. They feel less alone. She even helps people like me, who may not be experiencing the same things but who realize by reading her blog just how important it is to share our stories and experiences with one another.
Our honesty is important. Our integrity is a gift, and there’s not enough of it in this world. With so much ugly in the world, honesty is a rare beauty…no matter what the topic is.
I still struggle to share all my truths. Writing fuels me, but I dislike making those around me uncomfortable. I’m trying to find a balance where I can freely write what’s on my soul and in my heart without exposing those who don’t wish to be exposed. I’m trying to find my voice.
This is who I am and who I’ve always been; an open book. I wear my heart freely on my sleeve, letting my emotions show, letting my heart get bumped and bruised along the way. I’m told I’m too sensitive, I take all things to heart. For a while, I thought that was a bad thing. I think I’d rather be that way then desensitized. I’ve had tastes of being desensitized, when my depression is overwhelming and I just shut down. It’s scary and I don’t like it.
I’d rather leave this life knowing I’ve felt every emotion there is to feel. I’d rather keep my integrity and simple truths. I’d rather have my heart show daily than have it buried, somewhere, just out of reach.
This is me. Sensitive, yes, but strong beneath that. Stronger than most because I allow myself to feel all those emotions and still prevail. I think the strongest people are the ones who feel the most and don’t shut down. I aspire to never shut down, to never give up. I’m not always successful, but I haven’t really shut down. I’ve come close though. I consider it “rebooting”. Like when my poor old laptop can’t think anymore and it restarts on its own. That’s me, when I’m overwhelmed.
I’m going to keep sharing my stories, my truths, because it feeds my soul. In the words of Jenni Chiu (Mommy Nani Booboo);
If blogging feeds your soul, don’t stop. Write because you love it. Write because it fuels you. You have a damn strong voice, and it’s there. Use it!
(Thank you Sarah for the quote. VERY fitting).
My longterm goals with this blog are changing. Yes, I want to share my truths, my daily stories, our triumphs as a family and our failings, but I also hope to one day be a little bigger. I hope to add freelance writing to my plate, so I can bring in a little extra income doing something I adore doing.
I have no idea how to go about that, but it’s a start to declare my intentions.