Yesterday was one of those days. If you’re a parent, you know what I mean by “those days“. I mean a day that sucks the big one, a day that you can’t seem to improve your attitude no matter how much you try. A day that’s shitty on its own circumstances and makes your patience tank run dryer than dry. I had nothing on reserve, no way to fill that bone dry patience tank that didn’t involve a long, uninterrupted sleep – which I couldn’t exactly cash in on during the day with two small children.
I can’t say I was happy with my behavior yesterday. I can’t say I was pleased with how I reacted to stressful situations. Everything made me feel stressed and anxious. Walmart triggered me first thing in the morning, with the swarm of people and the loudness and the fact that I just wanted to crawl back into my bed and sleep for a thousand years. For the remainder of the day, the kids kept triggering me with their terrible listening skills.
That’s always how it goes, isn’t it? When you’re low on patience (like, incredibly low), they loose the ability to listen and behave. When you have an unlimited supply of patience, they’re perfect angels.
When I finally got the kids to bed, I felt guilty for spending the majority of the day yelling and being annoyed with them. It wasn’t their fault that I sucked at handling, well…everything about yesterday. It wasn’t their fault that I was failing at improving my own mood. What kid isn’t going to feel that energy and add to it? I probably did when I was a kid (although I still like to pretend that I was the perfect kid).
The sad truth is that some days, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t improve your mood. And that’s ok. You’ve just gotta accept the fact that you’re in a mood, and do minimal damage to those around you by maybe taking a nice long nap or a trip to the spa. If you can’t do either of those (like I couldn’t), then put on a movie and give the kids junk food so they stop terrorizing the house, each other, and you. Win/win. Until that sugar high kicks in and they loose interest in the movie, then you’re screwed.
We all have tough days. We all loose patience and react badly to situations when our patience is gone. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t a parent, you still know what I’m talking about…you’ve still had those days. It’s okay to be imperfect, especially if you acknowledge that imperfection, own your mistakes and apologize when you need to.
Maybe one day they’ll clue in…maybe.
Thankfully, I got a good nights sleep. I woke up feeling a little better than I’d felt all yesterday. I’m still groggy and tired (who really can function properly at 6am? Really?). My patience tank magically filled over night. I feel [somewhat] ready to take on today.
Even if Archer’s already giving me a run for his money with temper tantrum after temper tantrum because I won’t let him put quarters in his mouth. I’m so mean.
But guess what! I didn’t have a meltdown when Nolan had a major accident in his pants this morning. I know, it’s sad that I would have had a meltdown, especially if today was yesterday. There’s only so much crap that one woman can take, if you catch my drift, especially on an empty tank of patience. Especially because Nolan fights tooth and nail when it comes to cleaning up said messes. Yesterday, I would have cried the entire time because WHY ME! But today, I didn’t. I was mildly irritated that he lied to me when I asked him if he had an accident (he told me “that’s just how I walk mom”), we got him cleaned up and I didn’t loose my cool or break into tears once. Neither did he. Win/win. And you’ve honestly got to give yourself credit when it’s due, pat yourself on the back and say good job mom, even if it’s a no-brainer, should come naturally thing. Sometimes, that shit doesn’t come naturally. Sometimes it’s downright frustrating and annoying, especially when you’re meltdown mom with an empty tank of patience.
I plan on making it up to them by not being meltdown mom today. We’re going to play outside in the snow after lunch (and begin the makings of their homemade awesome sledding hill) and go for a drive tonight to all the neighborhoods that really went Clark Griswold on their houses. BOOM.
I’d still love to sleep longer, of course. When can I take that vacation again?