I’ve always been one of those people who feels a lot. I’m pretty sure the term “oh the feels” was created for those just like me. The ones who experience emotion deeply. All kinds of emotion. Anger, happiness, sadness, worry. I feel like I feel them all much more than regular people feel them.
I’m the kind of person that cries at semi-emotional commercials, that is destoryed when a character in a book or movie dies I’m still mourning the death of Fred Weasley from the Harry Potter series.
Seriously…who can blame me for that? Most tragic Harry Potter death ever.
My mom used to tell me I was intense. No happy-medium. I was either extremely, notably happy or extremely, notably unhappy. I easily take offense to things that most people wouldn’t and don’t because if I feel offended or hurt, I feel it, a lot. It feels big to me, even if it’s “small” to someone else.
Matt is constantly irrirated with me for being “so emotional”, just like my mom was, when I was a kid. I’ve always been told “you’re too emotional”, as if that’s a bad thing. As if experiencing emotion is bad, an illness. Why is it so bad? Why are we constantly told how to feel? That feeling too much is bad, and feeling too little is bad, and if you don’t fall into the appropriate middle ground of emotional feeling, then you’re “messed up”.
I get aggravated when someone is aggravated at my emotions, which makes it worse. Dealing with my emotions is hard enough, I’m easily effected by everything. Other people’s emotions, outside stressers, things happening to people I care about it…trying to pinpoint why I’m feeling the way that I’m feeling, trying to stop feeling that, is hard and exhausting in itself. When someone gets mad at me for it and starts demanding the “whys” that I’m already asking myself, I get overwhelmed and shut down. Which undoubtedly pisses the other person off, because I won’t express what I’m thinking, because I can’t. I’m too busy feeling and trying to make sense of it, and feeling stupid because I’m feeling “too much”.
That’s when I start to buy into that notion that if you feel too much, you need medicine to not feel. That seems scary, to me…medicine to not feel? I don’t know. It just doesn’t sit easy with me, and I’ve tried it before. It didn’t really work, it just made me more anxious and more exhausted. Plus….I like feeling. I think a lot of what’s wrong with the world is that we don’t feel enough, we look at feelings and emotions as bad things we need to control and fix, and that’s not the point of feelings.
The point of feelings is obvious; feel.