It has been 17 days since my surgery. I am now walking around with a cane, but I still cannot put weight on my heel without it hurting and throbbing. Along with the pain is the sensation. The sensation is…weird and unpleasant. I cringe whenever Matt touches my heel as he changes my bandage. Even the feel of him gently applying the sterile water to clean around it makes me want to draw my foot away.
I’ve worn shoes on two occasions now, and both times, I clenched my teeth against the pain and discomfort of having my shoe rub against my heel and ankle. Both times, I couldn’t apply weight to my heel. The rubbing was still uncomfortable, because I still had to walk to the car on my toes.
The front muscles in my leg is constantly aching from me walking on the front half of my foot. I am shaky and unbalanced. I won’t lie, I’m scared and anxious about it. What if this never changes? What if the sensation I have in my heel now is the sensation I will have forever more? I’ve lost sensation in other areas of this leg, after other surgeries, but I didn’t have to walk on those areas so it doesn’t really affect me unless I shave it or unless someone is touching my leg. It’s less unpleasant because I’m not actually walking on it. I will need to wear shoes that hug in that area. I will need to apply weight and pressure constantly, just to walk.
The constant pain and discomfort makes me irritable and emotional. I’m exhausted and disappointed in my body. I feel let down by my body, betrayed. My doctor told me I would be able to weight bear as soon as I felt comfortable, and after 17 days I have yet to reach that point.
Matt is leaving for Regina in fifteen days. Fifteen days. What if I’m not any better by that point? He can’t not go. We need this opportunity, this money. I’m tired of my health holding us both back.