Just a little brain dump

Matt isn’t leaving for Regina until May 1st now, due to a delay in the materials arriving on the job site. This means I’ll have a whole month more to heal, which is good. I honestly don’t think I would have survived an April 1st leave…I wasn’t even done with the cane at that point!

I am now, though. The cane has returned to the dark recesses of the basement. My heel still hurts to stand on for any length of time, and to walk far. But I’m able to put more weight on it…which is good, because I am getting extremely restless. While Archer was napping today, I sent Matt upstairs for a rest too. Then I cleaned my kitchen, and swept and mopped the floors in the kitchen and dining room. I knew I had to do it when Matt wasn’t around, because he’d lecture me and tell me not to worry about it, but honestly…it was driving me nuts. Matt’s not a slob by any means, but he “spot cleans” the floors, and it just really needed a full clean…if you catch my drift. So, I pretty much set myself up for a whole lot of pain doing that but I’m happier than the Cheshire cat because the main floor of the house is the cleanest it’s been in a while.

I’ve been trying to get through to Sick Kids hospital to make Nolan’s appointment sooner than it’s supposed June time. He’s been experiencing a lot of pain in his legs, more so than usual. They’ll lock up on him and he will actually scream out in pain and cry. It happened today after school, when he stretched his leg out a little. I brought out the Rub A535 and made him stay under a warm blanket with his ouchie bags that his cousin Thomas made him. He still whimpered for quite a bit, and I know he’s tender now.

I don’t know how my parents did it, how they watched me in pain. It’s incredibly difficult seeing Nolan in pain and unable to take it away immediately for him so that he doesn’t have to feel it. I feel guilty, because my genes are what did this…but then I feel guilty for feeling guilty because he is perfect, I just hate seeing him in pain. I hate knowing what he’s in for, although it’s also a blessing because I know that he’ll survive it. It’ll just…hurt. A lot. I’m still hoping that somehow, it won’t affect him or hurt him like it has me…

Both of the boys have their first session of Physiotherapy and Occupational Therapy next week. I’m excited and hopeful that they’ll both benefit from it. I’m glad that Matt will be home for that!

And now, I’m exhausted. I still have a lot more on my mind, but the rest of the brain dump will have to wait for another day…when I’m not so tired.


  1. I can see why you would feel guilty. I know I would, too. Yay for the way our brains work! But it’s not like you handed them MHE wrapped in a pretty bow and told them it was a present. For all you knew, the gene could have skipped both of them. That’s the thing about genes. We just don’t know enough about how they work. I’m glad the three of you have it, if only because the three of you aren’t alone. Your boys will grow up dealing with this disorder, but they’ll always have each other and you. That’s the best gift you could have ever given them—and you didn’t even know you were doing it! My sister and I both got anxiety from our mom. Now the three of us combat it together. I know it’s not the same thing as physical pain, but I’m glad that I’m not “weird” or dealing with this on my own. It’s comforting to trade experiences with them and talk about which medications and therapies help us the most. Together, you’ll be team supreme.


    1. Team Supreme…I like that! You’re right. There is strength in numbers!


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