Parenting can be…a challenge. Contrary to what they (the media, society, your Facebook friends) say…it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes, it downright sucks and is so bloody difficult that you can’t help but want to rip all your hair out until you’re as bald as Britney Spears was in 2007. Maybe that’s the great mystery as to why she shaved her head. Maybe her kids were just driving her insane, and it was that or rip out the follicles one by one. Or maybe it really was drugs…but I digress. Who am I to judge?

me, daily.


The point is, parenting can be tough. It’s this crazy woven basket of amazing and crappy. There are incredible, fantastic, wonderful moments to each and every day of parenthood…and there are also some down right crappy moments too.

My down right crappy moment came around 6pm when Nolan yet again decided to hide behind furniture to poop. Or, more accurately…to try and hold in the poop that I’ve been trying to coax out of him with prescribed Ratio-lactulose (acilac) crap that is supposed to help him, well…crap. It’s been 5 days, my usual methods of more natural means had failed. It was time, if you know what I mean.

So, there he was. Hiding behind the furniture, trying to hold in the poop. There I was, trying to patiently explain for the hundredth time that he cannot keep holding his poop in. He has to let it go. Preferably in the toilet. I got him upstairs, convinced him to sit on the toilet, and then our half hour battle of the wills began.

In case you didn’t know, it’s incredibly difficult to argue with a five year old. They refuse to listen to reason. They assume they know best. I told him he needed to just push the poop out, poop that really should have pretty much just walked out thanks to all the Ratio-lactulose and yet some how was magically staying firmly up there by his sheer will.

It wasn’t fun. And he didn’t end up pooping, either, because his will not to poop is stronger than anything I’ve ever seen before. He eats pretty much the same things that Archer eats, and Archer has absolutely no trouble in that department, if you know what I mean. What will undoubtedly happen now, is that in the middle of the night he will have an epic accident in his sleep, because he will be unconscious and unable to prevent it from happening.

A fun night awaits me, let me tell you.

I actually took Nolan to see our family doctor about this ongoing issue we’ve been having with him and his toileting behavior. At first, I thought it was something that he would simply…outgrow. I thought that maybe his hips were causing him pain or something, which is why he didn’t really want to sit on the toilet. I thought that his inability to wipe also came from his bones hurting. But, I won’t lie…I was delusional. He just flat out doesn’t want to do it, any of it. At all. It’s got to be behavioral.

We’ve got referrals in to a couple of local pediatricians, and we’ll see who can take him first. Obviously, this is something that needs to be solved as of like at least a year ago.

Honestly, this experience has completely scarred me for life. It’s the reason why I haven’t actively started potty training Archer. I mean, we’ve dabbled in it…but the idea of going all out to potty training boot camp and ditching the diapers scares me something fierce. What if it’s the same with Archer as it is with Nolan? Is it something I’m doing, something I’m not doing? Am I missing some crucial part of motherhood, the part that can potty train kids? Is there someone who can come in and do this for me? Like, when you have a dog that has food aggression, you call a dog behaviorist. Is there some kind of kid/potty training behaviorist I could have come in? For free, or for ketchup chips?

I’m hoping that when we finally do see a pediatrician, he/she will be able to tell me what the hell is going on…if it’s me, or if it’s something else.

Knowledge is powerful. When we know what we’re up against, we can learn methods of coping with it. We can take peace in the knowledge that it’s not the universe out to get us for using the handicapped parking space*.

*I’d like to take this time to point out that I do, in fact, have a handicapped parking sticker because I am, in fact, handicapped. But I’ve seen people ranting a lot about how “only the most handicapped people should get first dibs in those spaces”, but honestly, that’s another post for another day. Right now, I need to go stuff chocolate in my face until I pass out from exhaustion.


  1. OR, it’s entirely possible Archer will be a breeze to train and Nolan will think, Hey wait a minute… Because not older sibling wants their younger sibs to get ahead on ANYTHING. A little bit of well-managed sibling rivalry can be a useful tool.


    1. This is true, but Archer doesn’t really have total interest in it yet. In the spirit of not wanting to force him before he’s ready…I’m at a loss lol.

  2. mscat

    I remember my son’s pediatrician saying there are two things a kid has control over at a young age: what goes in and what comes out. It is really common for kids to hold poop — I don’t know what the solution is, but it is so common that it has it’s own popularized term (anal retentiveness). I’m thinking that kiddo #2 is going to be much different from kiddo #1 as siblings tend to be. If Archer is showing signs of readiness then go for it. Otherwise, don’t bang your head against the wall. My kid didn’t show real interest until he turned 3. A great book is “Oh Crap, Potty Training” though it is an e-pub that you cannot check out from the library.


    1. Totally getting that book, thanks! Archer hasn’t displayed total readiness yet. Sometimes, he’s interested. Most times, he isn’t. So, I go for the days he’s interested and count the days he isn’t for what they are.


  3. Seriously feel for you. We didn’t have anything like that go on with our oldest who only recently stopped wetting her bed at night, except for the occasional accident, but potty training was still hell. I’m not looking forward to starting with the 1 year old at any point.


  4. I know people say that having kids is worth it, but the older I get, the less I believe it.

    My parents used chocolate to potty train. It worked, but it definitely contributed to my food issues.


  5. Hi Jess! I’m Heather and I just wanted to know if you could answer a question I have about your blog! My email is Lifesabanquet1(at)gmail(dot)com 🙂


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