I am doing too much. This is evident by how swollen my right heel/foot/leg is. It screams slow down, stop doing so much…but I’m not very good at listening. I try, but it’s hard to give my body the breaks that it needs. Solo-parenting is tough, it seems like any opportunity that I get a chance to sit down is short lived. Somebody needs or wants something. We’ve got to go somewhere or do something.
By the end of the day, I can’t even sit up long enough to form a coherent thought, let alone work on my stories. I’m only able to cough out this post from my bed, using my trusty cellphone to compose. If I had to sit up to write…I wouldn’t even be able to it. Another day would pass without a whisper from me.
Today I did a lot, more than I usually do. I had a coffee date with a friend and helped her join my Scentsy team (yay!). Afterwards, my neighbor Candice and I went to the nursery so I could pick out vegetables and spices to start planting in my garden. Of course, Archer came with us. I had to stop off at the bank first, which meant standing in line.
After the bank and the nursery, I want to Target. I actually had hopes of purchasing a few new outfits for myself. Instead? I bought the boys some summer stuff and hats. I still have major reseverations about spending money on myself.
We returned home and I planted the things I bought at the nursery. Some tomatoes, red peppers, jalapeño peppers, green peppers, chives, sage, thyme, cucumber, celery, lettuce and watermelon. I am proud of my little garden, even if it exhausted me this much to do what little I did today.
I sat for 10 minutes before it was time to pick Nolan up from school. We went to the school, because I thought we were meeting up with a friend of mine for a park day. She had to cancel, though, and I was a little bummed out and relieved. I wonder how I would be feeling now if we had also gone to the park? Yikes.
I had to cheat on dinner again, we ordered a pizza because I cried at the thought of standing on this again…
The boys thankfully went to bed easy tonight, and for the last half hour I have been laying in my bed…almost unwilling to move to go back downstairs. I may retreat down there eventually when my thirst gets the better of me…but for now, this is good.
I always have such high ambitions…I really need to get back to listening to myself and being gentle.
In addition to the exhaustion and pain I’m feeling, I’m having a sad night. I miss Matt. I miss cuddling and talking after the kids are in bed. I miss foot rubs too, and I hate having my feet touched.