I am a silver lining kind of girl; I am hopeful, almost to a fault. Bad things happen, bad luck happens, bad runs happen – and I still always try to find that silver lining and pull it out. I try to cup it in my hands and look at it long enough to steady the erratic thumping of my hurting heart.
Sometimes, it seems like nothing is going your way. A series of unfortunate events; delays with your work projects, set backs, unexpected expenses that eat up your savings – and it’s all you can do to not curl up in a ball in the corner of the room, shaking and crying.
I’ve had days like that. I’ve had months like that, even though I constantly preach that your outlook and the way you react to the tough stuff is important. It is important, but sometimes you can’t help it. So take a day, sit in the corner of the room and cry about all the shitty stuff, then dust yourself off and get back up. Find the silver lining. Know that it’s always darkest before the dawn.
The last few months have been quite hard for me. I won’t get into all the reasons why – we’d be here all day, and this post isn’t meant to be a whiny one about how hard life can be. It’s about breaking points, it’s about dusting yourself off and getting up.
Yesterday was my breaking point. We had an appointment in the big city to take the kids to see their orthopedic specialist. We left early enough that the traffic wouldn’t make us late. My husband checked the truck prior to leaving, he made sure it had oil and all that other stuff it takes to run. We made it to the DVP before we heard a sickening sound – the sound of a pully blowing apart and falling out.
It was a terrifying experience, and we naturally ended up missing our specialist appointment. But we made it home safely, and that was the important part. That was the silver lining that I had no trouble finding.
My breaking point came later, from the added stress of needing to fix the truck (again) and just a general mindset of why can’t thinks ever go the way I plan? I had a cry. A big old ugly cry fest wherein I whined about how unfair it all was. Then I wiped my tears, dusted myself off, and got back up.
Once, I watched someone I love fall apart that same way. I watched them shatter into pieces while sitting on the floor, and I got on my knees and embraced them. I held them while their tears fell. I gave them time to cry, and then I told them to stand up. They didn’t want to, they wanted to stay on the ground, huddled in a ball because it was hard and painful and it hurt. They thought they couldn’t stand. I helped them stand, and I wrapped my arms around them tightly. “That was hard, wasn’t it? But you did it. You got back up, even when you thought you couldn’t. You’re standing again. You’re stronger than you know,” I told them.
That’s something I tell myself, too…when getting back up again seems unimaginable, when finding the silver lining seems futile.
You’re standing again. You’re stronger than you know.