I remember what it felt like to love you. I was a different person back then, and you were too. We were young, we were foolish. We didn’t know a thing about compatibility or what it meant to be in an actual relationship. We were just playing house; we were just experimenting with love. Some call it puppy love, others call it first love. It’s the kind of love that feels like destiny when it’s happening, but then the flame softly fades away. The candle remains though; the cold memory that I still look back on with fondness because I learned a lot about myself, about what I wanted and what I didn’t want.
I love easily. I give my heart with purity. I mean everything I say, and yet…I don’t. I meant everything I said back then, but time happened. I grew, I changed. So did you. We both became two different people. I know I realized that there were things I wanted, and I became aware of the sad fact that you were no longer a part of those things. We were not on the same path any longer, and I had to choose: to stay at the fork in the road with you, or go on my own way to something else. Something more. I chose the later. Each decision – stay at the fork, or move forward – comes with regret, with wondering what could have been. Not all the time, but every once in a while…when a song comes on that evokes feelings from the past.
But I learned a lot, and although I held some resentment and hurt over how things went down…I’ve come to realize that I still love you. Not in a physical sense, but in the emotional sense: I care about you, I want you to succeed, I want you to be happy. That is who I am. Each person I have loved, be it romantically or platonically, still has a piece of my heart. The bigger the piece I gave them, the bigger the hole in my chest.
My heart still aches at the memory of your loss, and I long to reach out and see if we could still be a part of each others’ lives, like we once were. I don’t, because it isn’t that simple. You can’t always just return to the way it was when the cuts of betrayal are still fresh, and as time passes on and you grow further and further apart…there is no sense in trying to return.
I get that now, I understand why you did what you did. It’s real now, as real as the empty hollow feeling of my arms. They still reach out for you in the dark.
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The beauty of reading an author’s blog is you never know what you’re getting: truth of fiction? Fact or myth?
The above is a mixture of both. I was inspired, and the words were flowing. So I typed. This is where I ended up and it’s kind of beautiful. I plan on using it in one of the books I’m writing now. You’ll have to wait to see which one. 😉
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Featuring giveaways from the following authors:
Sunday April 26th – K.L. Grayson
Monday April 27th – Jade Eby
Tuesday April 28th – Allie Burke
Wednesday April 29th – Stephanie Rose
Thursday April 30th – Whitney Barbetti
Friday May 1st – Lex Martin