I’ve had butterflies, but I’d never had this…this explosion of desire, awareness, this undeniable connection that nearly knocked me off my feet.
The moment your aquamarine blue eyes met mine from across the room, the moment you shyly dropped your gaze, peeling off the wrapper of your beer. The moment you looked up again, catching my eyes once more. The moment you came to my “rescue”, when my soon-to-be brother-in-law’s pet snake got tangled around my neck. The moment your fingers gently brushed against my skin, setting a slow fire burning within me. The moment you walked back to the table with the snake, still stealing coveted glances at me. I was drawn to you, in an unspeakable way that I didn’t fully comprehend.
Then, later on. When I volunteered at an event in coat check, and you came to check your coat a billion times…just to smile at me in that shy, flirty way. I was still drawn to you. To my surprise, my friend noticed this connection that I truly thought I was imagining. How could the hot tattooed guy in a fedora with the delectable hoop through his bottom lip want me? But she said you did. She said she could see it in your eyes, in my eyes. I chuckled and brushed her comments off – she’d made similar ones like that a billion times before.
Life moved on for a bit, I continued to do what I was doing and you continued to do what you were doing. We didn’t see each other again for a while. I didn’t think about you again, because college and friends and drama got in the way of a fanciful daydream that couldn’t possibly be real away.
When my life felt like it was spiraling out of control…when I felt like I was spiraling out of control…it happened again. Another chance encounter. I went to my sister’s house, drunk. She threw a random party and invited the people in her neighborhood over – and you were there.
You were wearing that same fedora, and all I could see was you. Even in my alcohol induced haze – you were all I could see. Those transparent blue-green eyes, that hesitant, shy smile…the way you looked at me. You looked at me in a way I’ve never been looked at before, a way that I couldn’t rationalize in my mind. You smiled when I flirted with you, and the feel of your hands on my hips burned into my skin in the most sizzling way when we danced.
Later, I sulked to my friend. He doesn’t like me, he left the party without saying a word. She told me I was being stupid, that it was obvious you did like me. I scoffed at that – why would you leave if you did like me? Why would you disappear?
Still, I decided…what the heck. In the dawn of social media, I could be brave…I could “friend request” you on Facebook. And I did. You accepted. You flirted subtly on Facebook, by liking photos, buying me on that stupid Friends for Sale app. You liked a silly lyrical status updated I posted, quoting Miley Cyrus of all people. I know that’s not your taste in music, and you hate music like that – but you liked it, because it was I can’t wait to see you again…
When I saw you again, you were standing in front of me at my sister’s Jack and Jill, waiting to purchase a ticket. You smelt like Swiss Army cologne and weed – the essence of a bad boy. As if there were any doubt, you with your piercings and your tattoos, your fedora and your band t-shirt, and the way you carried yourself. That confident and steady stride. We flirted. Alcohol made both of us bold – you kept buying me drinks, kept taking shots with me. You danced with me, your hands on my hips…the same intense sizzle. It was as if it were only you and me in the room.
And I knew, I’d never felt anything like this before. I felt every touch with you, I felt every look. I felt the way your eyes smoldered with desire and longing, even if I wasn’t looking at you.
You saw me as I was, and still found me completely irresistible and I felt that. In your eyes, I believed I was irresistible, something I’d never had the experience of feeling before. My life was molded by insecurities and bad experiences, and you made all of that fall away until I felt powerful and beautiful…all by looking at me. With those blue eyes, with brushes of green…you ignited me.
You ignite me.
I will still forever giggle that our first two kisses took place in a kissing booth. The first one – the stereotypical brush of lips, quick and fleeting and leaving me wanting more, when I wore the costume. Our second kiss, when I forced you into the costume and jaunted up to you waving a five dollar bill and asking “what’ll this get me?” was one that completely exploded my mind and any ideals I had about lust and love and all that crazy stuff. I felt fireworks and all that jazz, the entire world fell away and I couldn’t believe that all the lines of romance in novels I’d scoffed about were actually true. Fireworks? They exist?
The way you looked at me after that kiss, with your aquamarine eyes full of shock and astonishment, told me that you were in the same boat…completely mystified by our reactions to one another.
Ignited. A burning need. I’d never felt those things, never so strongly…never in that all-consuming way.
I wouldn’t be able to write love the way I do if I didn’t have the knowledge of what it felt like to be consumed by love. Thank you, for being my muse…my inspiration.