I started writing as a way to escape. I can’t remember a time in my life when I wasn’t writing or living in some sort of fantasy world inside my mind. I’ve always been a little bit different from the rest of my peers and it wasn’t until I was thirteen that we found out why; it was because I am bipolar. Being an anxious and overly emotional kid didn’t make it easy on me to connect with other people the way I craved to. I had friends, I had family, I had people to talk to but I wanted to connect with someone, to talk to someone that could understand what was inside of me, pulling me in a thousand different directions at once, when all I wanted was for everything to be still in my mind.
I turned to reading and god I could get lost in a book like no other. I would engulf myself in these stories of people who were just like me, waging a war within themselves that they didn’t see themselves winning. But after awhile, it felt like I had read every book I could and I needed something more.
I realized that I wanted to attempt to write, so I tried my hand at everything. Song writing, poetry, short stories, even a full novel, and I fell in love with it. I found out quickly that I wasn’t great at anything but writing a story so I focused all my time and effort on that. And for awhile I felt complete until life got in the way and somehow I pushed my passion to the side. I also cam back for it but never got very far in my goal of one day publishing. That is until I had my kids.
I had my twins and suddenly everything hit me that I had not followed my dreams the way I wanted my kids to do when the time came. And it killed me that here I was, with these brand new babies expecting to be their best role model, and I hadn’t done anything that I really loved to do. So, with the help of my friend, I started to write again. That thrill from pouring my heart out again was just amazing. And it helped me stay sane in my daily tasks of being a stay at home mom to two newborns who wanted nothing more than to nurse and dirty their diapers all day long. I didn’t go out. I didn’t have mom time where I went to the mall or spend time with friends. I would write.
Sometimes I would write while they were nursing and I could type it all out on my phone, it would be full of autocorrect typos but it was worth it. I would come up with a story in my head all day long just waiting for the moment I could get to the computer, phone, tablet, anything to write it all down. I felt….alive. That’s not to say that I didn’t feel alive before, because I did, so much because of my babies and husband that I felt unnaturally happy, but I felt alive within myself too because I was finally following my passion, my heart, my dreams.
I like the fact that writing has given me the chance to connect with people like me and given me the platform to speak out on things I find important, and this is one of them. Follow your dreams, no matter how far they might seem. Follow your heart because if it’s speaking to you, it probably means it’s time to listen. And never down play the things in life that you love because they just might turn out to be something amazing.
I struggled for most of my life, battling mental illness, battling my self esteem, and battling with the confidence to go after what I want. I wish I had someone telling me to go for it instead of being careful not to get my hopes up, to be careful of the chance for heart break. So, if I could be that one person, telling someone to go for it, to be the person they want to be, and that reaches them, I’ll feel content knowing I might have helped. Whether it be writing, reading, sports, movies, that keeps your heart light and your mind free, make sure to go with it and never believe that you can do anything other than phenomenal.
I’m a mama of an amazing set of twins, and a wife to a pretty cool dude. I live off of coffee, books, and sarcasm. I mean, there’s no other way to live, is there? I’m not a romantic person, not really anyways. So I always find it humorous that I only read and write romance, as if it were engrained in me. My addiction to reading turned into a love for writing. And in all reality, writing is what keeps me sane. Any spare moment I have in my entirely too crazy life, I spend spilling the words from my head onto paper.