I feel as if I am floating above myself. I’m looking down and reflecting on everything. I’m still reeling from this weekend, from…well, everything. That whole experience was one of those “ahah!” moments you hear people talking about, where everything just aligned and clicked into place.
I want this. I want this with every breath I take. I’m doing this. I’m doing this and it’s scary.
Being a published author isn’t new to me. I published my first novel in 2014, but I guess I sort of felt like I was dreaming, you know? Like it wasn’t truly real. It became more real when I held my first book in paperback. It became even more real when I attended the Sexy in the City author event. But oddly enough…I still feel like I’m dreaming. When I sit back to actually think about everything I’ve done and how far I’ve come, I feel almost as if the ground has fallen away from my feet and I’m just floating…memorized by it all.
This is happening. This is happening and it’s scary and overwhelming and I wouldn’t change a thing about it because this is happening.
There is potential, so much potential…I’ve never felt this inspired and this hopeful before. Huge things are going to happen this year, I’m working with a lot of new people and I’m forcing myself to step out of my shell and do the most terrifying things I can imagine. One of those terrifying things is believing I am worth the investment.
I’m a mom, I have small children and a family and I have that horrible mom mindset that feels like I shouldn’t spend any money on myself or anything that concerns me. It needs to go to the kids, to saving for the future. It shouldn’t go anywhere else.
This is a foolish mindset to have – and I’m working so hard to squish the voice that says you shouldn’t be doing this, you have other priorities. I try to tell myself that so many other authors are making choices like this and they are doing wonderful. Look at J.K. Rowling; if she’d deluded herself into believing that writing and pursuing your dreams is less important than saving for an unknown future, she wouldn’t be where she is. She wouldn’t have the empire she has now – the empire that gives security for not only her future, but her kids.
So I’m doing that scary thing, I’m investing more money into my business. Before, I was just writing…afraid to invest the money because I was afraid of falling. But you can’t see results if you don’t put forth the effort in all aspects, and marketing is a huge aspect of writing and that costs money. It’s not that I don’t have said money, it’s that stupid mom-hangup about feeling as if it should go “elsewhere”.
I’ve been saying this quote by Erin Hanson on repeat in my mind, any time my anxieties start to creep up about everything that’s happening and everything that I’m putting into motion.
I can’t wait to announce all the exciting things that are about to happen.