I had high expectations for Sunday. I wanted to accomplish a lot of writing – both with my current work in progress, and for the variety of incredible websites that host my words. I wanted to take my kids to the local indoor play centre, as the weather had been terrible all weekend and we were all suffering from cabin fever. I wanted to clean my house, get ahead on laundry for the week, and do some grocery shopping. I wanted to cross everything off my to-do list and I wanted everyone to have a fantastic, fun filled first weekend of summer.
But it was raining; there was dampness in the air that seeped into my bones and made moving incredibly difficult. Hell, it even made sitting at my desk to work incredibly difficult. It wasn’t just me who felt it – both the boys weren’t up to their usual crazy antics either.
I didn’t accomplish even half of the items on my list. I did a few things, but those few things feel so…few, especially when I looked at my list in its entirety.
But then, I stopped looking at my list in its entirety; I ignored it. I wrote out those few things that I did and patted myself on the back for accomplishing them despite how terrible I was feeling.
I did two loads of laundry. I cleaned the kitchen and the living room. I made a little progress in my WIP, and I scheduled a few posts for my blog. And I needed to tell myself this, because if I didn’t…I’d let the voice of guilt make me feel inadequate when I am far from inadequate.
Living with a chronic pain disorder is difficult. You can easily get swept away in those feelings of inadequacy. You can easily fall into a deep depression, because you feel like you can’t do “anything”, so it’s really important to stop and focus on the things that you did do…no matter how small. Each thing that you did on that terrible pain day requires strength, determination, and perseverance. Each thing – no matter how little it seems – counts.
On the days that I can’t do it all, I take special care to remember that.