When you break a vase, it shatters. Sometimes, you can glue it back together…but it never looks the same. Pieces are missing, tiny ones that you can’t see upon first glance. The cracks are always there, though. There’s not much you can do to hide them. You can embrace them, make it a work of art…but they are still cracks. It’s still a damaged, broken vase glued back together in a fruitless attempt to make it the way it once was, before you broke it.

Trust is like that, you know. It’s hard to pick up all the pieces and glue that trust back together. Once you’ve been hurt, you’re hurt. Forgiveness doesn’t come easy. Acceptance does, you can accept that you’ve been hurt, you can choose to not let that pain define you…but you’re still hurt. It’s still a crack, a scar upon your heart.

I have scars on my heart. They may look thin upon first glance, but they go deep…so much deeper than the eye can see. I have scars on my heart because I’ve been hurt, I’ve been broken…shattered. I’ve been broken by someone who wasn’t supposed to break me.

I picked the pieces up, I glued them together as best as I could…but the cracks are still there.

I used to feel like I needed to forgive. I used to feel like it was my responsibility to let go of that pain and completely forgive; but it’s not my responsibility. I don’t owe it to anyone, except maybe myself and even then…I am kind enough to understand that forgiveness doesn’t happen overnight. Sometimes, forgiveness doesn’t happen at all. Sometimes, it just can’t. Sometimes, distance is best and sometimes it’s best to wrap your broken pieces in bubble wrap and keep them close by, instead of letting them have the opportunity to inflict more damage.

The most important thing I’ve learned in the wake of this damage is that I am strong; I won’t break that way. I won’t break those I care about. I won’t force someone to pick up my broken pieces, when it’s up to me to do so. I won’t put that responsibility on someone else’s shoulders. Either I pick those pieces up, or they remain on the ground at my feet until I am able. I won’t make it someone else’s job to put me back together again, and I haven’t. I’ve done a good enough job gluing those pieces back together. I’ve done a good enough job continuing on, and that’s enough for me…for now.