I astonish myself.
There, I said it. I don’t care if that sounds egotistic or arrogant.
The thing is, I rarely give myself credit when credit is due. I always push myself to be better, to do better. I don’t typically see myself as someone who handles a lot with ease and maybe even a little of grace (with some swears muttered under my breath along the way, of course).
Take this whole ordeal with my publisher closing, for example. I’ve been living in a state of constant on and constant anxiety, wondering how I’m going to pull of getting all five of my titles plus my new one ready for self-publication on June 1st. It’s been a confusing, catastrophic week and while I have had [many] moments of bursting into tears, I’ve handled it pretty damn well.
I didn’t realize just how much I have accomplished this week until I sat down and wrote it all out:
- Rebel Soul is ready to go, it’s been formatted for print and ebook and it’s gorgeous. Thanks so much to Just write. Creations! for formatting!
- I’ve revised Collide completely, and am now working on Consumed. I’ll also be revising Damaged Goods and Reckless Abandon, and fixing some things that I’ve personally wanted to fix upon realizing they were a little off. As soon as I’m finished revising, I’ll be sending them off to get formatted.
- I’ve purchased all of the licenses for my cover images — so I don’t have to worry about being without covers. However…
- I have had to redo one cover, because I couldn’t find the image I’d originally chosen on Adobe Stock. I will be doing a cover reveal very very soon.
- I’ve communicated effectively with my creative team at Booktrope and come to an agreement that makes everyone happy.
- I have written up several exciting newsletters that will go out as I announce wondrous things and changes.
- I’ve made almost all of my books available for 99 cents each (and Damaged Goods will be joining the lot on Monday).
- I created a page specifically for my newsletter, so people can easily find it and sign up if they so choose to.
- I finally upgraded my Hootsuite account, which is a big deal because I always said I’d never pay to use a social media platform. However, Hootsuite Pro allows you to schedule bulk messages — so I can cut my social media time in half and focus more on the important bit, writing.
And shockingly of all; I’ve done all that while dealing with really bad pain days that are probably a direct result of spending more time in front of the computer. Seriously, my arm looks like the prize winning eggplant at the annual fair. Except not as purple…thankfully. That coupled with my anxiety and depression and I’m surprised I haven’t curled up into a ball and hidden under my sheets.
Wait, scratch that, I did that the Saturday after the news hit. But I haven’t since!
On a regular week, where one doesn’t discover their livelihood and dreams are at risk, I struggle to find a balance between my duties at home as a mother and a wife, my writing, and my pain and mental health management. But this week, I’ve really impressed myself.
In addition to doing all that (whilst dealing with a lot of pain and anxiety); I’ve kept two [often three, and at one point five] kids happy and fed. I haven’t dropped the ball, when one expects the ball to be dropped a serious of times when dealing with the fallout of one’s publisher closing.
(However I did think I missed an occupational/physiotherapy appointment for my son, and it wasn’t until I called his OT/PT to apologize did I realize that the appointment wasn’t until next week and I ended up apologizing for missing an appointment I never actually missed. But I’d rather not-miss an appointment and apologize than miss one and not apologize, so I’ll count that as a win too).
So, I astonish myself. I’m proud that I haven’t given up, despite how easy that would be. I’m going to be just fine.