Sleep Mode

At the beginning of the month, it totally slipped my mind that I needed to be at the hospital for a breathing test. I checked my phone with five minutes to spare before the appointment time. I didn’t make it, in fact…I did even try at that point. I know how quickly I can move, and given that the appointment was a twenty minute drive away…I knew it was hopeless.

This isn’t the first time I’ve forgotten an appointment, and I’m sure it won’t be the last.

Plus, on that particular day, I had foolishly exhausted all of my spoons on painting the living room. Yes, painting, because forgetting why I should never paint is apparently a past time of mine.

Sometimes, I think I can handle things better than I actually can. Case in point: painting. Painting is a lot like child birth: you forget how hard it is on your body, and think of only the good things like freshly painted walls.

I am a scatter brain. I have notes to remind me of literally everything, and if I forget to make a note about something I need to do…it’ll completely slip my mind. This is because I spend most of my days in a pain fog, and my pain management treatments also have side effects of making me a little absent-minded at times.

I’m also a mom of two and I work from home. It’s hard enough being a WAHM of two, and I’m sure that if I didn’t suffer from chronic pain, things would still occasionally fall through the cracks. Especially my things.


It’s hard to find balance, and I’m always tired.

But if I’m in great deals of pain, or I’ve over-exerted myself (much like I did at the beginning of the month, with my brilliant plan to paint the main floor), my brain will just shut down, or go into “sleep mode”. I’ll miss portions of conversations that I’m in the middle of having, or I’ll answer a question without truly absorbing what the other person is asking of me.

I have spent the majority of April in sleep mode. We’ve been busy with parties and family functions happening almost every weekend (except for this weekend, it’s the first “free” weekend we’ve had all month). But I’ve also been writing a lot, and sprinting with some of my awesome author friends who keep me motivated and on track with my current work in progress.

I’ve gone almost a month without posting to my blog. Which is kind of funny, considering I have lists of post ideas that I’ve written done–because I have plenty of ideas, just limited time to sit down and get them out. I’ve tried to make Rebel Song my focus, but for the sake of obsession I figured it wouldn’t hurt to write an update post and let the masses know I’m still here, albeit a little quieter…a little slower. Still in sleep mode, but almost functional.

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