Some of the Heavy

When we found out the boys would be having their first surgeries, I went into a limbo. They told us May, so I prepared diligently for May. I backed out of a signing event I really wanted to do, because I was certain we’d get that call any day. When it didn’t happen in May, I thought surely June. I waited, I didn’t make plans, other than lining up post-surgery services with occupational and physical therapy, and finding walking aids for them to use during their recovery. I waited, we waited.

We’re still waiting. And in a way, I was thankful–I’ve been having gastro issues since February. For a week at a time, every few weeks–I’d get sick. Violently sick. I spent days throwing up everything, and after numerous visits to my family doctor and a few visits to the ER for dehydration, an ultrasound was ordered, along with a request to see a gastro specialist. I was able to get the ultrasound fairly quick, and they found an 8 millimeter kidney stone floating around in my bladder. It might have explained some of the pain symptoms I was having, but not all.

In a matter of weeks, I’d dropped twenty-one pounds, and that was concerning. On Thursday, I had a scope and colonoscopy done. I’m supposed to get the results in a few weeks, but for now I am just continuing to take the Domperidone I’ve been prescribed to help me break down food. It seems to be helping.

Gastro issues aside, I’ve been having a lot of MHE pain issues, too. A little over a month ago, I discovered an exostosis growing off my pubic bone and into my hip. It’s only been a few weeks since this discovery, but my mobility is already severely affected by it. This exostosis growth catches on something when I walk, something that makes the back of my leg go a little numb and tingly. I assumed it was catching on a tendon, but the CT scan Dr. W ordered confirmed that my femoral vein runs over it.

Or perhaps it’s the femoral artery–I can’t remember exactly which one, but either way it’s rather distressing news for someone with a bleeding disorder to hear. Luckily, they’ve got DDAVP for that, but I’m still admittedly a little nervous, given that the exostosis itself is quite sharp.

I also mentioned that I’d noticed a lack in mobility (and a sharp increase in pain) in my right shoulder. I can no longer move it back or hold it up. Something pops and catches somewhere rather unpleasant, and even holding my arm above my keyboard to work on my desktop hurts. I have to take very frequent breaks, between my hip/pubic bone and my arm.

The CT scan revealed I have an exostosis growing between two muscles in my shoulder, and it’s large enough to knock and grind against my ribs when I move it. They’ll have to cut partially into the muscle to get at it.

The good news was that the exostosis on my ribs is actually fairly easy to access, and wouldn’t require removal of part of my ribs. It would just need a small shave down, so it stops catching on my ribs.

But the recovery for these surgeries wouldn’t be quick and easy, and I’ve got two little boys waiting on dates already. I’d either have to go a while ahead of them or a while after, so after it will be.

It’s going to make handling them post-op even more challenging than it was going to be, of course–my mobility is already not what it was a few weeks ago–but either way, it’s all happening and we’ll get through it.

Still, I’d be remiss not to acknowledge the unpleasant feelings that come along with hearing yet another surgery is in the near future. A lot of feelings that are hard to unpack and just might require a post of their own.

Health woes aside, we’ve managed to escape up north for a few camping trips. We wanted to make sure the kids had a bit of a summer before we received the call to go in for the surgeries.

I still think it’s magical that we have this place to go to, and I’m wishing we could spend even more time up there before the calls come. It’s easier to breathe up there, it’s easier to let nature centre and calm me. I don’t focus as much on my anxieties.

Home is pretty awesome too, though. We really enjoyed the Canada Day concert and fireworks our town put on. It was quiet, intimate, and still the longest firework show we’d seen in a while. The vibe here is so different, so small-town friendly. There’s always something going on and it’s almost always family friendly.

I’ve been working on the gardens, maybe not as much as I’d hoped since it’s not easy for me to bend and weed as it was in May, but I’ve loved seeing the things I’ve planted grow.

I can’t wait for my morning glories to climb the front porch, and I need to trim back my day lilies a little so my bleeding heart can get more light.

On the 23rd of July, Matt and I celebrated nine years of marriage! It’s not at all surprising to me that we’ve made it this far, despite all obstacles tossed daily into our path. He loves me, and I love him. Even when everything else in the world is shitty and terrible, that fact remains steady and true. Our loves seen us through a lot, and it will continue to see is through whatever comes next. 😊

I suppose that’s the gist of things, update wise! I’ll be back to discuss those icky feels that accompany hearing I, too, need to have surgery in the upcoming months.

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